CALL FOR A WARNING LABEL ON WINES WITH A TRADITIONAL CORK! (no fooling!)
Surely it’s time that wines sealed with a cork should have to display a warning notice. Something along these lines.
- WARNING! This wine may be contaminated by the cork and smell like a damp basement (3–5% of the wines I buy have this fault).
- WARNING! The cork may crumble as you attempt to extract it, so be prepared for cork crumbs in your glasses. A sure way to impress your guests.
- WARNING! You will not be able to re-cork the bottle as the cork will expand once exposed to air. Sorry about that.
- WARNING! In order to access this wine you will need to purchase an instrument, and get training in how to use it. A good extraction instrument (corkscrew) is expensive, while cheap models will cause all kinds of grief and pain. Either way you are screwed!
- WARNING! Your friends could die of thirst as they watch you perform the ‘opening’ task.
- WARNING! Using a corkscrew can be painful should you suffer from arthritis, or any weakness in the wrist or elbows. We recommend you ask a family member or neighbour to help.
- We hope that you enjoy our wine despite all the obstacles we have put in the way.
P.S. Did you know that the majority of winemakers believe that screw caps are a better closure than cork? Better for the wine, and easier for you. Unfortunately too many folks still think that a screw cap means cheap wine.